Dealing with angry people

Anger: a state of mind which is STRONGLY influenced by the person’s external perception of the world which warrants a fight or flight response, in modern reference it is the fight response that is the problematic

How to diffuse anger:

1. Ask for time

If someone is angry ask for time, instincts are very quick, and asking for time only makes them subside.

2. Listen to your heart.

Calm yourself up.

3. Know your goal

Know what is it that you want. Out of three: calm him/her down, get him back and convince him/her that this was not your fault, only ONE can be achieved at a time, usually the first, angry people only listen to the more aggressive of what you say.

4. Speak softly.

When you speak softly, you BREAK the rhythm of anger and he/she is no longer capable of getting angry.

5. Take some distance.

Usually angry people will enter in your personal space (the area around your body which you assume to be your own). Which WILL increase your emotions as well as his, don’t fight or flight, merely break the rhythm of anger by doing something like, asking for coffee/asking to sit down/ or step away to get something irrelevant, doesn’t’ matter how stupid it is, angry people are never bright, and if that doesn’t help or u can’t do it, try to act like u are about to sneeze, even psychotics can’t resist getting away from that!

6. Bugs bunny!

Have you ever seen bugs bunny, when the gun bearing villain looms over him, what does he do, does he pleads or runs or what, no, he merely deflects the anger to someone/something else, like for example, asking him if he was ever in films, he distracts and deflects the attention of the villain towards himself, and simple goes away. Remember one thing NEVER direct humor at people, it is most aggressive gesture.

7. Never reason

Never reason with a person who is yelling, for when they are yelling they are using their animal part of the brain that is the most primer of them all, the one that does NOT deal with logic, so if they are yelling what you have to do is make them go slow, and it’s easier than you can imagine, just ask them to go slow coz you can’t hear what they are saying, nobody ever objected to that, and that just try it, have you ever tried yelling while speaking slowly( slowly = rate at which words come out of mouth, softly = the loudness of the voice) this also works great on phone conversations, conversation is like tennis, if you don’t strike a ball back, game will stop, so if on a phone someone, someone is yelling/angry/or something, just go silent for a second and then see the effect, you will be amazed, most probably they will stop and ask you what happened, or are you there, just say “ yes, I was just hearing how (cute/ substitute whatever is best according to your situation) u sound when u are angry on phone. U see the point!

8. Validate the problem or emotional state

Mammals being social creature, are more dependent of society than you can imagine, when we feel that something is making us different from others ( like anger) we find a strong urge to check it out from our society if we are justified, the problem is we almost always come up with the wrong answers. (This is why the people usually mumble when in extreme emotional state) DON’T validate their anger.

9. Don’t explain or justify,

Explanations merely are responses which filter out of your instinctive brain and out of your mouth

a. a dominant role: I am right and YOU are wrong

b. Run away: it wasn’t my fault, be mad at someone else.

c. Invalidating: You shouldn’t me mad at all or you have no RIGHT to be angry.

10. What do you want me to do?

It is the simplest and the most effective of all the responses to anger, just ask what do u want me to do.

Anger: this is a simple reason definition to it, “Repetition IS the problem” when people first bust into anger, they are talking to you, Solve it in the bud, when they start to repeat themselves, get the hell out coz they are talking to themselves and making themselves more and more angry with each repetition.

Morality is a dominance hierarchy based on right, rather than might.

They good are allowed to punish the bad when they don’t do what they should do.

But when the bad attempts to punish the good, it’s called anger problem or, worse, abuse. Unfortunately they problem with the world is that everyone believes themselves to be good, I mean have you ever met someone who said that their purpose of doing it was wrong, they always have a readymade justification of doing it. It can be from self preservation to earning money to helping their family or something,

If we have been abused, we somehow manage to see our anger as justified, coz to us the anger is the RESULT of the abuse or victimization we have suffered through so it in a way it absolves us from our moral responsibility.

GOAL:

The goal of the treatment is to make people realize one thing, World does NOT act in the way it should, accept the way it does. By that I mean stop judging people, don’t expect them to act the way they should do , let some illusion of morality go away , people WILL do back stabbing, children will leave, old will die, then STOP trying to change the world. And accept it the way it is and deal with it, if people realize that , trust me over 90% of worlds problems will go away!:)

Post this article to everyone you know, it might save you and a million other countless hours of headache.